My little date got all dressed up, I cleaned up as best I could, posed for some pictures, and off we went! It was going to be a great night of laughing, having fun, and dancing with my little girl-- real quality father-daughter bonding time!
Except for one little snag: my daughter refused to dance with me.
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| My daughter is the black-and-white polka dotted blur running away from me. |
As soon as we got there, she was off like a like rocket, right to her friends, who were running and chasing each other, sticking cookies into the chocolate fountain, you know, normal kid stuff.
And every once in a while (seriously, three time over two hours), the DJ played a slower song so the daughters could stop jumping and running and chasing, and actually dance with their fathers. And they did. Except for mine.
I tried, I really did. I asked politely, I pleaded, I made the same pouting face she always makes at me. Nothing worked.
She refused to dance with me. She almost agreed, danced for two steps, then let go of me, pointed to a chair and said, "No, Dad, not this song. Go sit down."
She can be a little bossy.
Quick digression: Can we please, as a society, find some better father-daughter dance songs? This night, I was expected to dance to "Butterfly Kisses" (gag me) and "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars (really!?).
There have to be better choices out there. Sure, I'm having trouble thinking of any, but if we can get the entire internet community together on this one, I'm pretty sure we can crack this nut. (The internet's not really being used for anything else right now, except passing around the same three pictures of cats with different captions.)
I'm a little partial to "Have a Little Fun With Me" by Glen Phillips. (Google it. You won't be disappointed.) Or how about "Gracie" by Ben Folds? "Daughters" by John Mayer?
I just realized I'm probably dating myself a little here. Maybe Bruno Mars is really the best we've got these days. But refuse to believe it! You got a better suggestion? I'd love to hear it.
Or else feel of wrath of every father who has been forced to dance to "Butterfly Kisses"!
End of digression. Now back to your regularly scheduled blog, already in progress.
Was I disappointed that she wouldn't dance with me (even to really crappy songs)? Did this hurt my feelings? Did I feel a crushing sense of rejection that my own daughter refused to dance with me?
Well, no, not really.
She was, after all, surrounded by kids her own age, all little girls, friends that she was excited to see.
Even still, just one song? When all of her friends were dancing with their dads?
I believe that my daughter is going through a phase of increasing independence, which causes her to want to separate more from the family interactions and build more friendships/social relationships with her peers.
Sounds pretty good, right?
I have no idea if that's true. I don't even know what half of what I just said means.
When it comes to parenting, I'm no expert.
Attachment parenting, parental detachment, helicopter parenting, tiger parenting, lotus flower parenting, penguin parenting, I have no idea what any of this means. I only know one "style" of parenting and this is it: pay attention, and love unconditionally.
I figure everything else will more or less work itself out.
What I do know is this: watching my daughter at that dance, watching her stubbornly refuse to have anything to do with me, was one of the great joys of fatherhood.
Why?
Because of what she was doing INSTEAD of dancing with me.
My daughter walked into that gymnasium (okay, ran like cheetah who just spotted a gazelle-burger) and immediately engaged a group of her friends. She started talking, and if they weren't listening, she'd keep talking until they did.
And when that group of kids ran off to do something else, and my daughter was left behind, she simply looked around until she found another group, and charged right into it. She walked up to anyone and everyone, and immediately struck up a conversation. Even when someone completely ignored her and walked away, there was no sadness, no sense of rejection. She just looked for the next group, and away she went.
The thing is, I've never been able to do that. Never in my entire life. Put me in a room full of people, even people I know, and it will take me hours (and probably several beers) to work up to what my daughter was able to do within 5 minutes.
Whatever else I've managed to screw up (thanks to me, she's been calling guns "boomsticks" for the past 3 years), I've somehow managed to instill a sense of self-confidence in her that I've never quite been able to instill in myself. I hope she is able to keep it, as it will serve her well in the future.
For now, I'm just happy to sit back, and watch her work the room better than Sinatra ever could.
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