Don't Drink the Green Beer!

Not cool, man.  Not cool.
What did that beer ever do to you?

Yes, it is St. Patrick’s Day once again, that annual celebration of all things Irish, a veritable stew of all the good things that Irish immigrants have brought to this country, like the color green, corned beef, potatoes, Riverdance, and good beer!  And to help celebrate, bars around this country will be featuring a Frankenstein creation with no cultural relevance what-so-ever: green beer.

Folks, there is nothing remotely Irish about green beer.  Now, I know that you know that it’s made with green food coloring.  But chances are, since the beer is being artificially colored and sold to guys who are already half-drunk, it’s probably a pretty cheap pale lager, barely worth your hard-earned money.  And when you consider the hundreds of years of beer brewing history around Ireland, and the fact that there is NO traditional Irish lager, green beer seems like a waste of time. 

Instead, enjoy a good Irish ale, or perhaps a stout.  Yes, Guinness, though mass-produced and now owned by Diageo, headquartered in London of all places, is still an easily obtainable example of Irish beer.  Not my favorite, but I understand why people like it. 

Red ales are also quite popular, even though the red ale style seems more connected to France than Ireland, the color come from the toasted barley, and Ireland has no shortage of that.

Just don’t drink the green beer!

Leave that to the college kids, let them enjoy the green beer-induced hangovers.  This is a time to celebrate culture over gimmicks, and quality over quantity.

I for one am making a milk stout in honor of my Irish heritage.  I think milk stout might be a little more English than Irish, but as I say, I don’t like bitter dry stouts.  The idea of a sweet stout, on the other hand, makes my mouth water.

The only real difference in style is that milk stouts add lactose, which is a sugar derived from milk (see, they don’t actually contain milk) which the yeast cannot digest, resulting in a sweeter taste.

Will my stout be ready for St. Patrick’s Day?  No chance, I haven’t even started it yet.  It won’t be ready for at least a few weeks, and even then, I’ll probably let it cellar for a couple extra weeks.  Good beer is like good wine, and gets better with age.  No, I’m planning on enjoying my Irish beer just in time for Cinco de Mayo.

This is not meant to be ironic.  Many Irish immigrants fleeing the potato famine found few job prospects in the United States, owing to Anglo-Saxon Protestant prejudice against their Catholicism.  Few options remained, one of which was an army desperate for soldiers to fight an unnecessary war against Mexico.  However, the Irish soldiers were so badly treated by their officers, many deserted and joined up with their fellow Catholics, the Mexicans.  To this day, the Irish hold a special place in the heart of Mexico, which goes a long way toward explaining why this Scotch-Irish kid from suburban Rhode Island likes spicy food so much!

So, grab an ale!  Grab a stout!  Grab a taco!

Just don’t drink the green beer!